i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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