Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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