when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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