dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
