The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
