my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
