When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
