She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
