I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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