what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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