Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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