it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
