you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
