1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
