You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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