I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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