I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
