He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
