You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
