I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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