My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
