You really coming over, don't trick.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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