I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
