You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
