WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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