it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
