She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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