i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
