I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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