wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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