White coat. Heels.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
