I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
