The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Buhtt sex?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
