You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
