what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
