Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
