I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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