i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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