I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no you cant smoke seaweed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
