no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
