Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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