Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
