my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
