Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
