so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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