I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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