arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
