I just made out with a guy for $7.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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