another moral hangover. fuck.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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