were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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