it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are the jesus of drinking
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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