You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
