you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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