I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize