the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
