a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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