When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
