I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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