I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
