if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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