Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
