I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
