I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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