Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
