I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
