U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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